Archive for ‘fear’

06/19/2013

Actuarial

by Pierce Nahigyan

A handful of little birds (he thought they were sparrows) peered up at his spreadsheets. The actuarial tables spilled from his hands, from the leather binder stuffed with the mob’s figures, in a long unspooling tableaux of partially legitimate endeavors, enough to merit the term “organization” and dismiss the “criminal” element as a remainder of calculations yet to be revised. To the birds hopping around his shoes, it was all one big piece of not bread anyway.

He threw them more bread.

He wanted to leave the leather binder on the bench, let it be used or abused by some homeless schmuck and turned over to bedding or the feds or whatever agency there was left in the city to right the wrongs. Where was the wrong part of this piece of paper? Yes, the games were fixed, they had a protection racket or two, but the games were gambles and the racketed went unmolested in bad, bad neighborhoods. It wasn’t legal but it didn’t hurt anybody.

Except when it did hurt a body. The sparrows cheeped at him.

It wasn’t for him to decide. He was the actuary, the bookie sometimes, the guy with the numbers who kept his nose clean and drove one car to work and one car on weekends. And he liked the city better than the stucco suburbs they stuck guys like him into for witness protection.

“Sorry, birds,” he said. “Gotta go back to work.”

The detective who arrived ten minutes after found half a loaf of bread and more birds. He puzzled over the vacant park bench for a few minutes, and then he went back to work too.

05/29/2013

Actinal

by Pierce Nahigyan

The waves caressed the deck like a violent lover. The storm tossed the longship deeper into her arms, rain splattering the faces of the men on the oars, wet to the very roots of them, their bones soggy and their backs sore, deeper into the black sea, the black sky rolling over them like the ecstasies of a whore’s promises turned inside out. Lightning cracked and lit the faces of the men in the longship. Inside the sheets of wind and the ripped bedding of the flashing night, rose a howling, a gong, growing. Olaf pulled himself from his oar and vomited behind his bench; the sea slopped over the boards and flushed it away; he rowed, and vomited; the sea struck him, struck the deck. The man beside him vomited in his lap. Olaf grunted, and heaved, and rowed. They all rowed. The gong tolled on.

The longship crested a black swell. They glimpsed the mountain behind it only as a heap rolling forth from shadow, and when the lightning flared again it was no mountain but a wave, a coursing wave falling towards them, large as the long lost sky.

The men screamed. Their voices were added to the hail that smashed the deck, the thunder, the screaming gale, and the low of the gong. But the wave broke. It shattered to pieces, an explosion at its crest marking it not as a tidal force but the risen bubble of a monstrous fish. It leapt from the ocean, titanic, the electric night catching its metallic skin. A bolt of lightning tore the sky and found the beast, and turning, the men beheld its awful face.

Sparks showered off its silver tentacles. The ship caught fire. Lit by the flames, the leviathan’s eyes glimmered. The eyes covered its metal arms. A blubberous blowhole spat from either shoulder. Mouths gaped in its tentacles like puckered acetabula. Joined in chorus, the mouths resounded like a thrashing gong. And high above the ragged sail shined a monstrous smile, enclosed by incisors that dwarfed the largest of the men. The mouth was lodged in the center of its torso, where bright tentacles flowered from its lips like rubbery moustaches. The tentacles reached for their figurehead, the snarling dragon.

The men threw themselves into the water to escape the flame and demon. Olaf vomited into his mate’s lap and reached down into the salty pool around his ankles to wash out his mouth. He stood, as the ship tipped under the giant’s actinal grin, and drew his sword from his belt. He ran, the longship cracking, the fire parading past, and leaped into the storm, onto the metallic skin of the leviathan. The central jaws opened wide, and Olaf plunged his sword into the spongey gumline.

He sawed his blade down between the teeth and the beasts’s twelve copper mouths blared. A hand large enough to crush an elephant grabbed him and cast him to the sky, to the charged air. He vomited as he spun, and held onto his sword. Lightning struck the blade and sent him plummeting to the sea, hot as a falling star. He smote the demon in its largest eye, the green opal that stared from its throat.

His boots athwart its shoulder, his hands smoking, he dug his heel into the lip of its left blowhole and slashed open the vitreous humor. The jellied ichor erupted from the lens. The thunder rolled on, men drowning below. He hacked at the eye, the lid around it, and the monster beneath his feet spun in the battering waves. “Odin, see Olaf, son of Erik, son of Cuthbert!” Olaf bellowed. “Take me to Valhalla! For I die here, and take this beast to thee!” He stabbed through the pupil into the muscles of the throat. In its chest, the central mouth moaned.

The hand grabbed for him wildly, but he swung himself down the creature’s clavicle. The sword dragged behind him and caught on the metallic skin. The creature’s other hand ripped him savagely from its body. “Olaf? Son of Erik? Son of Cuthbert?” the mouths roared.

“Aye!” Olaf cried.

The monster shrieked loud enough to drown the pounding waves and began to crush him. But so loud did it roar that it missed the shattering of the king plank in the longship’s final demolition. Carried by the rising storm, the fiery ship sailed over the monster’s central jaw, ramming its throat with its splintering timbers. The flames broke deep inside its lungs. Its metal body aglow, it reeled, casting Olaf out into the waves and convulsing, its body twisting in the crackling thunderstorm, turning and collapsing. Olaf was unconscious and adrift and so he did not see, but the monster did not sink. It absorbed the ship and the pocket of ocean that girded its toothy belly, and tore down the sky behind it, falling out of the world and leaving the ocean to fill in the hole left by its frenzied escape.

05/08/2013

Acrophobia

by Pierce Nahigyan

Benjamin, a cat, generally preferred the ground. As a stalking area it was remarkably vast, divergent in topography ranging from the television cupboard, the kitchen tiles, the lawn (in both overgrown and freshly mowed varieties), the street, and the sandy hills of the litterbox. All manner of landscape was available to him, so far as it was land.

The top of the bookshelf, he avoided.

The roof was verboten.

Window ledges, birdhouses, fences, awnings, mailboxes, were not his brand of catnip.

The tallest branches of the oak tree outside Emily’s window were especially ominous, reaching so nearly into her bedroom. Benjamin always gave the branches (leaves, too, in the proper season) a peremptory glare when he entered her room.

But then there was the day the mouse went up the stairs. So Benjamin went up the stairs. And then the mouse dallied in the bathroom. So Benjamin went to the bathroom. And then the mouse scurried through the bathroom to the adjoining room, Emily’s room, and hopped on the window seat, the window ledge, and ran up the branches of the oak tree; and by then Benjamin was ready to grab it and play with it and pound it for a bit, and then bite it and kill it and eat most of it, and when it came to that, that thirsty instinct, he followed it, over the carpet and over the window seat and up the branches.

It was only when he reached the top of the old oak tree that he realized his grave error. Benjamin, the acrophobic cat, was paralyzed. He stuck to the tree, stranded, claws way out, and yowled.

When Emily came home she was not pleased. Benjamin yowled at her to consider his feelings.

04/24/2013

Acrocephaly

by Pierce Nahigyan

He was called the Egghead in the circus. My father took me to him holding my hand in the circus’s freakshow, knowing that if he did not hold on I would run. Clowns did not frighten me, and I was fond of lions and tigers and elephants, and the carnies taking tickets seemed like friendly villagers from a fairy tale. But there was something about the bearded lady that unnerved my five-year-old mind, a distinct, innate sensitivity to the flip-flopped reality under the dirty crimson tent of the gallery of the weird. The bearded lady was stationed at the entrance, her two hundred pounds of flesh gathered in rolls beneath an ill-used sequined dress. She winked at me as we approached and let out a bawdy guffaw.

I tried to run, but my father held me fast. “Now, now,” he said. “It’s only a show, you little monkey.”

“Did you call him monkey?” the bearded lady asked. Her voice had been coarsened by years of circus smoke. She sped up the process by producing a cigarette and screwing it into a thin black holder. She smoked and leered like a nightmare portrait of FDR. “We have room for more monkeys in the back!”

My father laughed and ushered me inside. “Hear that?” he said. “Monkeys in the back.”

“I don’t want to-” I started. My father hushed me fast. We entered the gallery and the cages of its subnormal features.

I hid my face behind my hands as the geek bit the head off a chicken. There was a beautiful woman with a face like my mother, long brown hair and gray eyes, with the body of a snake and vestigial hands drooping from her sides. I didn’t scream because I was afraid all the bars were for show and they would come for me if they knew my father didn’t care. For all I knew if I screamed my father would just laugh and toss me away. So I stayed silent, even when the snake woman asked me my name.

The Egghead was what my father wanted to see. He had some fascination with the man. He was near the end of the gallery, dressed up like a Victorian gentleman, his cage decorated with a grandfather clock and persian carpet, and a bookshelf stuffed with books. The shape of that bookshelf disturbed me. It had been cobbled together from old boards, likely whatever they had lying around the grounds, painted with a single blue coat of paint that didn’t match the fraudulent decor or the crimson tent. The books looked like phone books turned with their pages out. As a child that was strikingly surreal; I knew, even then, how books were meant to sit on a shelf; I knew, too, that men and women didn’t live in cages but that somehow offended me less than the dirtied white pages hung over the planks.

Without looking at us the Egghead adjusted his large round glasses, set too close for his wide little eyes, and removed his top hat. He set it on a table beside his elbow. His smooth bald head rose to a point, a naked acrocephaly for me and my father to ogle. My father laughed.

That laugh remains my ugliest memory.

04/03/2013

Acquiesce

by Pierce Nahigyan

The Queen ordered him to kill the girl, and the huntsman acquiesced.

They went riding together, he and the princess. He had promised her that there was a white hart in the King’s Forest that often came to drink from the mountain spring. Galloping beside her, he wondered at his lie. The Queen had demanded that he cut out the girl’s heart to give her proof of the deed, and he, wretched, imagined the foul deed over and over, each time pulling a whiter heart from the girl’s young chest; and was this wordplay he made, in his empty promise to the girl, when he had never been clever with words before? He led her deeper into the wood, his brow knitting tighter, his stomach churning with the sin of his service.

They had not spoken for some time when he felt the girl’s cool fingers on his arm. She asked him what was the matter. His face, she said, his face was so sorrowful. Forgive her forwardness, she apologized, but he appeared on the verge of weeping.

“You must leave at once,” said the huntsman. “The Queen, your stepmother, has ordered me to take your life, and I am fain to do it or else I die.”

Showing no hesitation, the princess bared her breast to him. “You are a servant of the realm, as I am. Do your duty, sir.”

The huntsman was aghast. “Would you throw your life away so readily, for a madwoman?”

In a flash, the princess was gone. Harsh smoke, purplish cinders, consumed horse and rider, and in their place, once the wind had lifted all to the gloomy skies, was the Queen herself. “Madwoman am I?” she said. “I should have known a huntsman was too soft-hearted for this task.” Like the bolt of a crossbow her fingers dived through his chest. She wrenched them back, his beating organ clutched in her bloody hand. “Soft as cheese,” she said, and crushed his life.

On the morrow she arranged for the girl to be abducted by mercenaries. It was strictly a job for professionals.

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